His timeline eh?

We thought referral wait mode was far away, like months. Some days it seemed like we may never get there. We have not adopted, or known anyone that has adopted from our agency, so we were just going off generic timelines and assumptions. Then the email came. The one that says our referral wait time starts now. Our home study paperwork was completed, and we have almost everything for the dossier, but the paperwork is not complete. But it will be soon. And now we find out, that even before it is complete, we could be referred at any moment. That moment could be in an hour or months from now. But it could happen.

I think my heart stopped for a few minutes. Tears came in a flood of happy, scared, excited, worried emotions. I cannot compare being pregnant to this process, or vice versa, because I have not done both. But it felt like, I think, it would feel if the doctor told me I was pregnant and soon, one day, we could see a sonogram picture. I quickly called L and he was so perfectly excited, the way you think your husband would be when you tell him you are having a child, even though he already knew, this just makes it so real.

It is all so weird. Just last week I was telling L it felt like we weren't really even in the process because our home study was taking longer than normal and we weren't "doing" anything. Basically, I like to be in control and nothing was happening. And then a few days later, a surprise like this speeds everything up, mostly, my emotions.

Yes, it could still be months before we know our child. But just to know our agency is working on our match is very exciting.

It was really easy for satan to start with his fear and anxiety games after something like this, but we were able to use today to praise the Lord. To continually commit this journey to Him and His timeline. This is such a roller coaster and I am so glad He is leading it.

If you would like to join us in prayer, here are a few things we are praying...

• For our agency to have discernment, wisdom, and God's leading above all
• Little R's comfort, health, safety, food, family
• Specifically, Little R's mom. Somewhere, someday soon, a mother will have to leave her child, and it breaks my heart. More than anything, we wish that was not the case. I weep for her. We pray she is made complete in Christ and knows His love.
• God's glory and purpose in this all, above all