Do you want biological children?

This has been the most popular question since we announced we were adopting, understandably, and the answer is yes, but please let me explain.

I acted as an adult at the age of five.  Playing with dolls and pretending I was their mother was the least of it.  I "mentored" a classmate in kindergarten - what teacher lets a five year old mentor by the way? One day I played sick so I could stay home to call her mother and discuss how she needed to work with her daughter on her alphabet; sorry for that embarrassment mom and dad.  My poor sister, who is six years younger, has always had a bossy older sister.  If only I could count the times my mom told me "I am her mother, not you."  It has always been in my heart and soul to be a mother, even at a young age. I have dreamed of the days when I would hold my child, much like I dreamed of my wedding day.  After L and I got married, I began wondering what our children would look like, what features they would have of his and mine.  And that has not changed.  We very much want to have biological children, if that is the Lord's plan for us and will bring Him glory.

So if we want to have biological children, shouldn't we try that first, and if we cannot conceive, THEN choose adoption?  Well, you see, God chose adoption for us now.  He has so evidently laid this on our hearts and we are being obedient to His calling.  We believe He will take care of the rest, and bring biological children in His timing, tomorrow or 30 years from now.  And yes, that would make me 56 years old, but have you read about Sarah in the Bible? 

So our thinking and dreaming has shifted some for the time being.  I am not wondering if our child will be lucky enough to have L's tan skin and curly hair (yes for those of you who have only seen his buzz cut, those hairs were precious blond curls as a child). 

Baby L

Our dreaming has changed from ourselves, to our child, that is likely conceived.  If he/she is not born yet, prayers that their mother is able to access clean water and food, that she is comforted and loved, that even in a third world country she is able to somehow receive care.  If he/she is born that they are safe and have access to care, that their mother is comforted as her heart must be breaking at the thought of leaving her child, and that they do not have to sleep on the floor.  I think about whether they are consoled when they cry and if they have enough to eat.  My mind is constantly coming up with new details to pray for.  I dream of a dark skinned baby that is perfect; perfect because God has chosen them for our family. 

As we wait for the paper progression, we are left dreaming of our child, dreaming of the moment we see them and embrace them.  Thinking of the ways they will light up our family and accomplish so much.  Hoping for the day they come to know the Lord as their Savior.  We still have all the same dreams, biological or not, this is our child and we so eagerly await the joining of him/her to our family.